My wife stated she would kill me if I retained singing “I’m a Believer”. I dubbed her bluff and also kept at it.

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I met a woman who makes confront masks for civilization in need during the pandemic, but it looked like she was acquiring overwhelmed by every the work.


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Me: I want to surname our son James. Wife: Why? Me: No reason. 9 months later on Wife: my water damaged Me: let the James begin


A young mrs goes to her doctor around two small rashes on she thighs. The physician tests her for allergies, and then asks “Ma’am, room you a lesbian?” The woman stares for a second, then claims “Yes, ns am. Why?” “There’s the problem.” the medical professional said “Tell her girlfriend to stop wearing cheap earrings.”


Passengers: begin freaking out Pilot: every one of us will certainly one day, no one knows when! Passengers: sigh v relief Pilot: yet it'll probably be as soon as we struggle this mountain!!


I obtained thrown out of DisneyWorld for spreading my dead mother’s remains around the park. The was she dying wish.

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She ordered a black color coffee, I conveniently apologized come the barista and said, "I'm i m really sorry she intended to to speak an afri Americano."


A pensioner drove his brand brand-new Mercedes Benz come 100 mph. Spring in his rear check out mirror, that sees a cop behind him, signaling to traction over. That floored it come 140 , then 150, then 155, and also 160…Suddenly that thought, “Shit man, I’m as well old for this nonsense!”


So he pulled end to the next of the road and waited for the cop to catch up with him. The officer walked approximately him, looked at his watch and also said, "Sir, my change ends in ten minutes. And also guess what, this particular day is Friday and I'm acquisition off for the weekend with my family to the beach. If you can give me a good, solid factor for her insane speeding the I've never heard before, i promise you the I will certainly let girlfriend go." The male looked really seriously at the police man, and also replied, "Officer, couple of years ago, my wife ran off with a policeman and also I thought you were bringing her back." The cop left saying, " have a an excellent day, teacher "


Another guy walks up to him and asks, "Why are you cigarette smoking two cigarettes?" he replies: "I'm smoking cigarettes one for myself and also one for my brother, that is in a no-smoking prison." Satisfied through the answer, the guy walks away. A few days pass and he look at the same male at the park, however he's only smoking one cigarette. Excited, that goes up to the man and asks, "Did her brother acquire out the prison? you are only smoking one cigarette." that replies: "No, ns quit smoking."


One day he transforms to his Mom and also says, “Mommy Mommy, if i’m a good boy all year and also I eat every my vegetables will certainly Santa carry me a body for Christmas?” “We’ll see!”, states Mom. The year goes by and Christmas arrives, tiny Tommy wakes increase bright and early to discover, right listed below his neck, a torso. He rolls down the stair yelling “Mommy Mommy, Santa brought me a body!!” “That’s exceptional Darling!”, mom replies. Nearly a year goes by and Christmas rattles approximately again. “Mommy Mommy, if i’m a an excellent boy all year and I eat every my vegetables will certainly Santa carry me arms because that Christmas?” “We’ll see!”, says Mom. The year go by and also Christmas arrives, little Tommy wakes increase bright and early to discover, sure enough, little Tommy has actually arms. He leaps top top his palms and also down the stair yelling “Mommy Mommy, Santa carried me arms!!” “That’s remarkable Darling!”, mommy replies. Practically another year passes and also Christmas come again. “Mommy Mommy, if ns a great boy all year and I eat all my vegetables will Santa bring me legs for Christmas?” “We’ll see!”, claims Mom. The year go by and also Christmas arrives, small Tommy wakes up bright and early come discover, a pair of fully functional legs through feet come boot. The sprints down the stairway yelling “Mommy Mommy, Santa brought me legs!!” “That’s exceptional Darling!”, mother replies. Little Tommy can’t think his luck. “Mommy Mommy, i just have to go tell little Billy I have actually legs!” little Tommy throws open the prior door, bounds outside and is instantly killed through a passing car. The ethical of the story? Quit if you’re a head.